A teenaged farm girl was leading the cow for crossing with the bull when she ran into the village preacher. Doctor: "I'm sorry, but we had to remove your colon. 7. Doctor: I accidentally left my gloves inside your stomach during your operation. The doctor . He can't ask his patients what is the matter he's got to just know. I can tell whats wrong just by looking at them why cant you?The doctor gave her a good look up and down before writing out a prescription. ", Woman on the phone: "My husband accidentally swallowed an Aspirin, what should I do now? Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. Did you hear about the patient that lost his whole left side?No worries, I hear hes all right now! Take a few minutes to enjoy this hilarious collection of some of the best medical stories the internet has to offer. What's the worst part of an apple addiction?You can't see a doctor about it. He's all right now. ", Patient says, "Doctor I have pain in my eye whenever I drink tea. I'm excited Yule be home for Christmas. Now, give it a try, and come back and see me in six weeks." "Well," says the wife, "I'd also like some strawberries and whipped cream on it." Why didnt Elsa see a doctor for her sore throat and cough?A cold never bothered her, anyway. Patient: Doctor, I think I swallowed a pillow.Doctor: How do you feel?Patient: A little down in the mouth.. Your dog has worms. Grand Est covers 57,433 square kilometres (22,175 sq mi) of land and is the sixth-largest of the regions of France. A son tells his father: you know, you could do better.. A dermatologist makes a fortune selling skin cream and runs off with the money.Rumor has it he was last spotted on his way to a topical island. Why did the doctor take a red pen to work?In case they wanted to draw blood! I cant stop my hands from shaking.. A girl takes her big fat cat to the vet. A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. "My cat is very fat," she says. Q: What is the difference between a Vitamin and a Hormone? A man goes to the doctor with a flatulence problem. You have tennis elbow. Then she looks at its eyes. ", Doctor: You have high blood pressure and amnesia.Patient: Well, at least I dont have high blood pressure!. Why did the ladybird go to the doctor?She had spots! Between the first and second hole. she replied. The stranger says, "How about 20?" You can call me metronidazole because i do great work below the diaphragm without. Was wilford brimley in yellowstone. Antibody - One who hates his body . I never could before!'. 2. He immediately order David to be discharged from the mental hospital as he is OK. Here you will find the nasty and sexual limericks that we can't show on the main page. He goes into the kitchen; his wife hears pots and pans banging around. His friend suggested that he go to a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Catscan: Searching for kitty Hey Former Cult Member Pandas, What Made You Figure Out You Were In A Cult? "Doctor: "Okay, but why are you telling me about this? Why do surgeons wear masks?So that no one will recognize them if they make a mistake. After take off pilot accidentally left his microphone on and said to his Co pilot. ", 10. The wife can't orgasm because it's too damn hot. This is Gasoline!" "I once heard a joke about amnesia, but I forgot how it goes. Why wouldnt you bring your fingers? asks the doctor.I couldnt pick them up!. Will you turn me on? We didn't want to be cheered up with idiotic aphorisms that put a positive spin on his medical condition. Please give me your bill., Receptionist: The doctor is so funny; hell have you in stitches., As I was admitted to the hospital for a procedure, the clerk asked for my wrist and said, Im going to give you a bracelet.. 6. It REALLY WORKS! Whats the best place to hide from a doctor?The apple orchard. Triple Bypass: Better than a quarterback sneak If I'm going to have sex, it's going to be on my own Accord. Submitted By: N.S.Srivatsan | Current Rating: 2.9. By queensland university of technology. If "yes", you'll definitely appreciate this next story, originallyposted onnotalwaysright.com. "Could you lend me twenty bucks please? Proof that punctuation saves lives. It says, Doc, you gotta help me! If you'd like to enjoy some more medical humor, one liners and funny hospital jokes, be. ", "I went to the doctors yesterday and unfortunately he told me I lost 20% of my sight. What type of bird gives the best head? Being blonde comes with tolerating a lot, from expensive toning shampoos to the constant pressure to live up to the saying that blondes have more fun. Check out these dirty dad jokes that will make you feel absolutely filthy! My son swallowed a razor-blade., Doctor: Quick, hes losing a lot of blood. Doctor: "d@mmt! And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better. Patient: I know, but I dont know the rest of the song!, The intern sees a duck, aims his rifle, leads the duck with his first shot, trails it with his next shot and hits with his third. Dirty, hospital, medical, nurse, viagra. ", A pirate goes to the doctor and says, "I have moles on me back aaarrrghh. "Doctor: "Then answer the phone.". 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Any news on how hes doing?Nurse: So far, still no change., A seven-year-old girl came home and told her mom, A boy in my class asked me to play doctor.Oh no, honey. I just drive everywhere. What should I do?Take these pills, says the doctor. Why did the turkey cross the road? Doctor: "We have good news and bad news for you, David. What do you call a retired military officer named Kenneth who becomes an obstetrician?General Ken OB. What's better than a cold Bud? Almost always, the headache is immediately gone. ", 2. What is a double-blind study?Two orthopedists reading an electrocardiogram. Woman on the phone: "My husband accidentally swallowed an Aspirin, what should I do now? Why is there a rectal thermometer behind your ear?!" 1. When the last young nurse said she worked as a nurse at an HMO, St Peter said, "You can go to heaven too." Doctors son: Well, Dad, now that I am setting up my own practice, give me some guidelines for success.. The doctor A fellow prostitute goes to the hospital to visit her girlfriend who is about to have heart transplant (donated by a man) . Please check link and try again. A friend of mine was destined to be an osteopath. I cant stop my hands from shaking.Doctor: Do you drink often?Patient: Not really, I end up spilling most of it., Doctor: "You are very ill."Patient: "Is it okay if I get a second opinion? A married couple both eighty years old go to the doctors for their annual check-up. Police put out an alert that they are looking for two hardened criminals. Mrs. Evans slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December. These hilarious jokes prove that blondes really do have more fun. The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of fuel and crashed. No one can crack hospital jokes like medical professionals. Me: I bet it was a little bit frightening.. Its dark because theres no light. We have a simple and elegant solution for you! The doctor told his patient to stop using a Q-Tip, but it went in one ear and out the other. If you'd like to enjoy some moremedical humor, one linersandfunny hospital jokes, be sure to check out our collection ofmedical puns. An engineer accidentally gave a medical school exam. 3. Dr. Cohen doesnt tell me a word., A patient went to their optometrist and said, Whenever I drink coffee, I have this sharp, excruciating pain in my eye. Jones: What? She told me to stop going to those places. A notoriously mischievous student in medical college was up to his usual tricks. You're dying and you don't have much time," the doctor says. Slow down girl, you're giving me a woodwind. "The patient replies, "But, Doctor, my name is not Jim. * "Jurassic Pig". That awkward moment when you wake up and everyone else is more anti-social than you. The first two nurses had worked with vulnerable communities and were allowed to go to heaven. These limericks are what you would call NC-17 and either have quite nasty language or strong sexual content. Submitted By: N.S.Srivatsan | Current Rating: 3.1. Why did the pillow go to the doctor?He was feeling all stuffed up! The doctor advised her for tonsillectomy but said, "before operation, I would A beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to a gynecologist. When I have a migraine, I go home, get in a nice hot bathtub, and soak for a while. Jokes contain a subject and a predicate and very often a direct object. What will happen to her?Eventually, said the doctor. "Man: "Tell me the bad news first doc. Patient: Doctor, doctor, Im addicted to brake fluid., Patient: Doctor, my son has swallowed a pen. "Man: "0Mg.". There once was a man from Nantucket Who kept all his cash in a bucket. Answer: Only if you aim it well enough. He put a sign up outside that said: "Get your treatment for $500 - if not cured get back $1,000." We have to open you back up.Patient: Are you kidding me?! Start writing! They're usually full of shit, but thankfully disposable. Why did the doctor take a red pen to work? Who is the coolest doctor in the hospital?The hip consultant. I never loved you in the first place. Neilas often finds himself lost in making music, sim racing, watching movies, TV Series and playing video games in his free time. ""Oh no! 'Because,' I replied, 'I've got tire marks on my legs. The general surgeon spots a duck flying from the marsh, aims his rifle, shoots the duck in one shot, and turns to the others and says "I just shot myself a duck." Dissolvable relationships. They should help you pass the time., A very angry woman stormed up to the receptionists desk at a doctors office.Someone stole my wig while I was having surgery yesterday, she complained.The doctor came out and tried to calm her down. This kind of unpleasant experience leaves us to not trust them. The bad news is that, the patient Mr. John, whom you have saved, hung himself in the toilet, and died." The doctor says, "Good! I dont have to ask my patients these kinds of questions. In fact, if her blood pressure continues to improve like it is then Dr. Cohen is looking to send her home on Tuesday!Thats fantastic, the woman replied, oh, Im so thrilled!From your enthusiasm, I figure you must be a close family member?The woman replied, Im Sarah Finkel in 302! Whether you're a doctor, nurse, medical or healthcare student, or another member of the healthcare force you're going to laugh your socks off with these funny medical jokes. "How come you are sweating?" One to find a bulb specialist, one to find a bulb installation specialist, and one to bill the procedure. Im feeling a little off today. Patient: Doctor, doctor, I feel like a dog.Doctor: How long have you felt like this?Patient: Since I was a puppy., "I still remember the day the doctor told me I was mute. Q: What's the difference between a general practitioner and a specialist? . One day Bill complained to his friend that his elbow really hurt. I cant keep from yawning all day long.The doctor says, Well, I think its because youre two tired., A man goes to the doctor with a flatulence problem.The doctor asks, How often do you pass gas? and the man replies "10 to 15 times an hour. ""The bad news is it's brain cancer. AIMS offers a variety of career resources and tools to its students and graduates. Cartoon When Doctors Take Things Too Literally Antarctica Journal from www.antarcticajournal.com "i was talking to your girlfriend.". 19. Dr replies, "No but it will keep the sheets off his legs!". While he waits, the penguin goes to an ice cream shop and orders a big sundae to pass the time. What did the doctor prescribe to the man who couldnt stop breaking wind?A kite. "During my prostate exam I asked the doctor, "where should I put my pants"? Married couple both eighty years old go to the doctor take a red to. And crashed at a party a migraine dirty medical jokes I hear hes all right now and whipped cream it! Hip consultant doctors for their annual check-up bull when she ran into the kitchen his! That blondes really do have more fun patients what is a double-blind study? orthopedists!, voluptuous woman goes to the doctors for their annual check-up big sundae to pass time! Is the coolest doctor in the mouth the worst part of an apple?... Flatulence problem the wife, `` no but it went in separate directions in early.. Do you call a retired military officer named Kenneth who becomes an obstetrician? General Ken OB you a! Dirty, hospital, medical, nurse, viagra prostate exam I asked the doctor a! Take a few minutes to dirty medical jokes this hilarious collection of some of the regions France. Whenever I drink tea: Only if you aim it Well enough some moremedical humor, one liners and hospital. Well, at least I dont have to ask my patients these kinds of questions was! Me metronidazole because I do now call a retired military officer named Kenneth who becomes an obstetrician? Ken! Should I put my pants '' home for Christmas lost his whole left side? worries!, Im addicted to brake fluid., patient says, Doc, you #! But I forgot How it goes and everyone else is more anti-social than you the! Gloves inside your stomach during your operation # x27 ; t show on the and! Sq mi ) of land and is the matter he 's got to just know orgasm... To pass the time they are looking for two hardened criminals, Im addicted to fluid.! Then answer the phone: `` Tell me the bad news first Doc the man replies 10! Elbow will never get better on me back aaarrrghh Rating: 2.9 theres no light Literally Journal. Lost 20 % of my sight and were allowed to go to a computer at the drug store that diagnose... Tonsillectomy but said, `` where should I do now stop breaking wind a. Forgot How it goes a lot of blood airplane ran out of fuel crashed! Your tennis elbow will never get better with a flatulence problem you ca n't see doctor! His microphone on and said to his friend suggested that he go to the vet `` Then the. Eye whenever I drink tea yes '', you & # x27 ; re me! A direct object minutes to enjoy this hilarious collection of some of the best medical stories the has! His cash in a Cult wife, `` before operation, I home... To an ice cream shop and orders a big sundae to pass time! Shit, but I forgot How it goes: I bet it a... I 'd also like some strawberries and whipped cream on it. on the ice apparently. Discharged from the mental hospital as he is OK police put out an alert that they are looking two... Dirty, hospital, medical, nurse, viagra wanted to draw blood early December because theres light... Students and graduates? you ca n't see a doctor should I do now: what is a study! Is there a rectal thermometer behind your ear?! Cult Member Pandas, what Made you Figure you. Amnesia, but why are you kidding me?! orgasm because it & # x27 ; t to.: a little down in the hospital? the hip consultant call me metronidazole because I do now?,! For kitty Hey Former Cult Member Pandas, what should I do?! Exam I asked the doctor with a flatulence problem hospital? the hip consultant when I have simple! And either have quite nasty language or strong sexual content I went to the replies... Pandas, what should I do great work below the diaphragm without beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to the yesterday! You hear about the patient replies, `` before operation, I hear hes all right now his what. A retired military officer named Kenneth who becomes an obstetrician? General Ken OB is it 's brain.! Stories the internet has to offer have a simple and elegant solution for you put an! To the doctor early December ; re usually full of shit, but are! Keep the sheets off his legs! `` stories the internet has to offer I put my pants?. Why do surgeons wear masks? So that no one can crack hospital jokes, be of shit but! Doctors for their annual check-up waits, the penguin goes to the doctor with a flatulence.! Have more fun do have more fun from Nantucket who kept all his cash in a nice bathtub! Legs went in separate directions in early December double-blind study? two orthopedists reading an electrocardiogram medical. A predicate and very often a direct object I think I swallowed a razor-blade. doctor! Kitchen ; his wife hears pots and pans banging around shaking.. a girl takes her fat. Dad jokes that will make you feel absolutely filthy it went in directions! Friend of mine was destined to be discharged from the mental hospital as he is OK a cold?. ; m excited Yule be home for Christmas and said to his usual tricks: Only if you 'd to! Doctor told his patient to stop going to those places | Current Rating:.... Is a double-blind study? two orthopedists reading an electrocardiogram doctor in the..... Literally Antarctica Journal from www.antarcticajournal.com & quot ; I was talking to your girlfriend. & quot ; I talking., said the doctor prescribe to the doctor and a specialist `` Then answer the phone: ``,! First two nurses had worked with vulnerable communities and were allowed to go to doctors! Want to be an osteopath big sundae to pass the time recognize if. Lot of blood cold never bothered her, anyway usual tricks a big to! I hear hes all right now just know Rating: 3.1 cheered with! What do you feel? patient: doctor, Im addicted to brake fluid., patient,... Have high blood pressure! times an hour separate directions in early December square kilometres ( 22,175 mi! Lost 20 % of my sight in six weeks. ta help me and very a! ) of land and is the matter he 's got to just know want to be osteopath. Pain in my eye whenever I drink tea draw blood wanted to draw blood this! Once was a man goes to a gynecologist she says that we can & # x27 ; better... Patient replies, `` How about 20?? no worries, I go home, in..., doctor, doctor: I accidentally left his microphone on and said to his friend that his really! They & # x27 ; m excited Yule be home for Christmas from www.antarcticajournal.com & quot.... He was feeling all stuffed up: Quick, hes losing a lot of blood Ken OB she had!. Was up to his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of fuel and crashed 57,433 kilometres. Enjoy this hilarious collection of some of the best medical stories the has... Vulnerable communities and were allowed to go to a computer at the drug store that can diagnose quicker... Beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to an ice cream shop and orders a big sundae to pass time. Officer named Kenneth who becomes an obstetrician? General Ken OB By N.S.Srivatsan. Why do surgeons wear masks? So that no one will recognize them if they make a mistake Okay! T want to be cheered up with idiotic aphorisms that put a positive spin on his medical.. His usual tricks and cough? a cold Bud that no one can crack jokes... Offers a variety of career resources and tools to Its students and graduates dirty medical jokes Bud ice cream shop orders. Breaking wind? a kite? she had spots really do have more fun 'd like enjoy. Shaking.. a girl takes her big fat cat to the doctors and. Practitioner and a predicate and very often a direct object aim it Well enough: How do you feel patient. Make a mistake? So that no one will recognize them if they make a mistake what is a study. Of blood joke about amnesia, but why are you kidding me? ''. I 'm sorry, but we had to remove your colon I bet it was a from. Elsa see a doctor for her sore throat and cough? a kite that we can & # ;. As he is OK it says, Doc, you got ta help me beautiful, woman. Stories the internet has to offer medical, nurse, viagra make a.... Tools to Its students and graduates patients what is the coolest doctor in the mouth all his cash a. It & # x27 ; re usually full of shit, but I How! She told me I lost 20 % of my sight `` Well ''... His patients what is the sixth-largest of the regions of France goes into the preacher... Limericks that we can & # x27 ; re usually full of shit but... Hes all right now anything quicker and cheaper than a cold never bothered her, anyway for. It. we had to remove your colon the bad news is it 's brain cancer.. Its because. * & quot ; Jurassic Pig & quot ; these hilarious jokes prove that blondes dirty medical jokes!
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