I agree. Why didnt OP put a stop to this years ago and go NC with these idiots? ", Then why tf did you ask him if you knew he was gonna be biased lmao. Cut ties with everyone, save your poor poor fiance more pain then the abuse he already went trough for you, and apologize to him in behalf of your family. Asthma can literally kill - even 'mild' asthmatics can have catastrophic attacks if circumstances stack up badly, and attacks can escalate to the point that inhalers are useless*. Guess it would serve him right in their eyes though for being "so weak". Yeah, like, I think there's two judgements to be made here. Hey OP, your family sucks big time. They might show up anyway and cause an embarrassing scene for "pranks" and revenge. They are POSs. Your mum is TA as well for essentially supporting their behaviour. NTA. Edit: my dad doesnt expect me to not invite my mom to my wedding. You think they are the only part of the family like this? Yeah, the way they disregard his asthma and brush it off as excuses. I hadnt seen a doctor in a decade due to lack of health care and this guy straight up told me he hasnt either even after a heart attack. NTA, and im sorry, also FUCK YOUR DAD, as your post says " he was abusive in everyway, but a master manipulater.". Fucking abuse. If he can't respect you/your boundaries he can see himself out. But to placate your family, tell them theres one thing they could do that will make you reconsider: A manly challenge, if you will, where only by their manliness will they be accepted. Fun, but definitely dont do this. This doesnt sound like pranking but more like bullying. They literally slashed his tires? They hid an inhaler from someone with asthma. Cut all contract with your abusive family - including your enabling mother. His lips are turning purple! why would you even want to remain family with a bunch of hazing, assaulting assholes? My dad was an engineer, but he recognized early on that my now-husband was not a 'doer' in terms of being super physical and labor and all that. Slashing his tires? You don't hide someone's medication from them that helps them breathe when they need it. See how they liked it. They sound like the type of people that would try to sneak some peanuts into the food of someone who is deathly allergic to them and cry its just a prank, bro. I would not have put up with them especially when they slashed my tires. You need to ensue he understands you stick by him period. Moreover, do you really want people in your life that don't believe ASTHMA is a serious medical condition. You need to stick up for your husband and cut contact with these abusive freaks. And really if they do anything else criminal Id consider reporting them. Aita for uninviting my parents to my wedding; nba flashscore; 4652 rose of tara way; house for sale with 3 acres; amish house building; . NTA. I doubt anyone here would find the choice so easy if they got stuck with it either. What's worse is, I can see people like this waiting for future opportunities for "man tests" at family events going forward. Saran wrap on the toilet bowl, bucket of water over a door, recorded fart sounds played in a ghostly manner. It sounds like OP *has* been trying to stop it this whole time but they refused take her seriously (see end of first paragraph). It's easy to spot the black things, harder to see the greys and off whites. I have endometriosis. I find it funny they wanted to know his stance on gender equality while simultaneously having him participate in the most toxic masculinity bs ever. Nta. What would they have done then? This is very petty and I dont actually recommend it, but if you really want to ram your point home just be like Im marrying Tim BECAUSE hes not the same kind of man you are lol. Fuck people like this and their asinine 'pranks'. AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! Set up an event where the men have to breathe exclusively through a drinking straw in their mouths (noses plugged) while they rustle around in a backpack looking for a small item for 5 minutes. I, 22f, and my dad have had a tumultuous relationship for the last 5 years. And it's not about me. Your male family members seem to think petty crime is pranking. This is not what men do its what arrogant and immature assholes do. OP wonder this..what happens if and when you have a child specially if it's a boy. The only third option is that you stop this dangerous behavior. I remember when someone first suggested I was being emotionally abused, I thought they were being ridiculous. Good thing I was completely serious and not sarcastic at all. I agree with other posters here, they are bullies, not pranksters. OP, you need to absolutely stamp out your family's behaviour or risk losing a great guy who sounds as if he would go to hell and back for you. They dont seem to have any!! Leave them uninvited. Problem was I need my car for work. This is abuse. The toxic masculinity is strong in this one. Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. I would leave them uninvited and strongly consider NC for the future. This is a very important question. NTA. I know an 18 year-old who died from asthma. Thats probably why theyre picking on him, because all this time he didnt just tell them to f*ck off. These jokes kept escalating. I can't imagine an inhaler being too much different, depending on the severity of the asthma. Like seriously, do you have any idea what it's like not be able to to breathe? But they were also educated, kind, accepting, loyal. They are crimes. My asthma isn't terrible but I'd be fuming if someone dared to put me in the danger of not being able to breathe properly. Zero percent chance theyd do any of this to someone who could actually take them. Im surprised Tim didnt break up with her over it. Their pranks went from wildly inappropriate to outright dangerous. You should have given your dad and brother some kind of excuse for why Tim couldnt go camping. They really need to understand that their action could have had serious consequence (luckily it didn't). OP also says she demanded they stopped and they accused her of ruining the fun. Hey Timmy Jr! NTA and I would've called the cops for the slashed tires. If you dont draw a line in the sand their nasty toxic behaviour (so called pranks) will never end. NTA btw. Not a "real" man. He's college educated. I did not extend friends of friends invitations to anything else but my actual wedding. Imagine having asthma? "We just wanted to see if he would be able to save himself with no brakes, because if he can't he clearly isn't a manly man like us". NTA. EditImagine how far you could have taken it "Hi dad or brother or cousin is Tim there he is not answering his phone. What do you mean he leftOK no worries I will wait till he gets home. He was probably trying really hard to put up with this behavior because he loves her so much. No! I think the inhaler thing was just the last straw. NTA. Like good for you for uninviting them but they had to threaten to kill your husband for you to do that? When they cry, they can be told real men meet their financial obligations or post their own bail. Obviously, OP is NTA for booting them from the wedding. These are the intensifyingly cruel acts of a mob towards someone they view as an outsider. Keep your nice shiny spine and keep standing up for your partner. Personally I would have not associated with them again the first time they pulled any of the things you listed. As a person with asthma, I see their prank as abhorrent. Its insulting and completly out of line on your dad, brother and uncles behalf. All of them. And if OP has a male child, think how the family will try to turn him into a "man." Abuse. He said that he didn't reply but later I got a call from my mom yelling at me calling me hurtful stuff saying I was acting like an ungrateful b by excluding her husband from the wedding after everything he's done for me, I told her that my brothers threatened not to come which pushed me to make this difficult dicision because if it was for me I'd have everyone there. Definitely NTA!! You probably should uninvite the mom as well, as she is enabling the whole situation. Ugh. I grew up in a house where my dad would pester us to the point of crying, then get mad that we were crying because "I'm just messing with you!!" But yeah of course the real assholes are her family. This would, in your shoes, absolutely be my hill to die on. Right?! These stopped being pranks before they started. Theres nothing normal about this OP. Must be tire then! Then, still exclusively breathing through the straw, they must race in panic upstairs/across the house/down the driveway/whatever distance back to you for help. I bet the pranksters are anti-vaxxers too. This is a hill you need to die on and if you don't then you deserve to be alone. Threatened much because hes more intellectual than physical? A parent's approval means the world to a person who is about to marry the love of their life. You uninviting him to your graduation is not a sign that you are ungrateful but to send a message that you are done with his bad behaviour and you deserve better. To not breathing. Look: I know its hard to discover that the way you grew up isnt actually normal or okay, but the way you grew up is not actually normal or okay. Tyre! If there's any chance of any form of healing this extended family it's by them realising how badly they've messed up, and them having to "man up" to take the consequences of their actions could be what's needed. I have been rude and made my fair share of mistakes. I had a ton of brothers and a dad who were all involved in fishing, hunting, survival, etc. Support your fianc and ditch your shitty family. They might be trying to kill him, asthma is no joke. You are protecting your fiance from bullies. Slashing tires isn't a prank. You want your kids to treat people with dignity and respect and you don't think they will learn that at your parents home. Harsh comparison but the Ahmmaud Arbery killers thought they were perfectly fine blowing that guy away in the street under the stand your ground law, they were shocked that anyone wanted to arrest them when they were handcuffed at their house. My life (in my childish head) was crushed. Seriously. Not only would I keep them disinvited, Id go no contact completely. fast forward to yesterday, she messages me telling me to sell the tickets because she got better seats. NTA, I have asthma and that's no joke. It isn't easy to do; it isn't easy to learn when to do it. Before or after he passed out/died? Your family are living in another century and you're NTA. NTA, but your family clearly is. NTA you protect your husband. These men are going to end up killing him. Slashing tires would definitely cost someone hundreds of dollars to replace. Of course not, bullies are inherently cowards. Screw this chick. They know when they have power and they are exploiting it as much as possible to make him miserable. they are very incompatible when it comes to family matters. You don't justget to do that. I cant believe that Tims family would want to see them or your mom at the wedding. I have asthma. Just they just seem like big bullies to me. That goes against both this sub's rules as well as Reddit's terms of agreement. His entire family has disowned me and they're all blocked on my phone after sending me awful messages. I'd protect him & any future kids you have with everything you have in you. If they see that as a joke then their heads arent screwed on correctly. NTA. And they certainly already dont like him, considering the names they have already called him. Standing up for your fiance is the best thing you could have done, and honestly if they don't change their attitude real quick, uninviting them is definitely the best answer. If she's trying to diminish the situation and act like there isn't a problem--or act like the problem is small enough that you should just let it go already--then she is clearly part of the problem, too. These are NOT pranks. I, on the other hand got to live with my stepdad more since I'm the youngest and we established a somewhat stable relationship. If I were Tim I'd be questioning the marriage with a hostile family like that. That fucking crosses a line. This should go for anyone who defend them as well. Your username is literally what you should be doing. Jumping on this, an acquaintance of mine actually died from an asthma attack. Ask them who was going to be the one to explain to his family if he died. The second child is often the wild child who does everything they are not supposed to. NTA. Imagine what kind of "prank" they would pull at a wedding with a large audience. Do not invite them back! Or things kids do not realizing how serious it can be. Slashing tyres was a serious attack on his property (and incurred an unnecessary expense) and hiding his inhaler was playing russian roulette with his actual life. Her fiance sounds like a stand up guy and has obviously weighed out the pros and cons of being in this relationship. if all four tires are slashed you can call insurance to cover it as an attack. Cut her some slack. probably just some well deserved peace and quiet. Damn he must love you to have continued to be abused. The fact that she let it get this far and thought nothing much of it it telling. Theyd get one prank. Obviously plenty of couples choose to be childfree or go for adoption, but if OP wants to have biological children with her husband then can she really leave them in the care of her parents knowing that an asthma attack will be treated as "learn to breathe better you whiny brat"? Hell, you might be the asshole if you don't press charges. Or are they just sorry because they can't attend your wedding now? (Sorry, not native, I can't for the life of me think of the word car repair shop??). At what point during his asthma attack would they be able to tell if he was being soft or if it was real? Wtf is wrong with these guys! Read this before contacting the mod team. No time to waste searching for it. her mother very clearly is an enabler. AITA? You have already been uninvited, just let bygones be bygones. Jesus. mother of the bride newbridge; bfd port; ffxiv weaver guide san diego multifamily developers; obj wife houses on section 8 in mobile alabama push button start vs key. There is archaeological evidence which suggests that Neanderthals cared for their relatives with health problems: Neanderthals would be disgusted by this behaviour. This is straight up hazing. As this is NOT normal male behavior. They punch down, not up. I had an cousin die from cancer because he waited for the tumor that was visible to get so large and spread before getting to the doctor. The last question is to judge whether you will have latent feelings of guilt should you not attempt to reconcile with your dad, and then not have the opportunity later to do so. I dont know what they intend to prove but they only proved they are mean AH. Your family is driving the wedge between you. All they are doing is trying to determine if your fianc holds values like them or not. NTA. That's a prank. Plugs are only good for punctures more then an inch or two away from the sides. You don't need your family to think your fiance is "man enough", and their definition itself is horrendous. Throwawayfamily976 29040 S x 9 G 2022-03-11 11:41:21 Stand your ground, these assholes need to learn their actions have consequences. Because they'll show up to the wedding and proclaim themselves as MeN tHaT aRe Up FoR tHe ChAlLeNgE. NTA OP. He was not working and she had just retired from the military. Gotta draw the line somewhere, and these people are just awful. Your fianc is your new family and he deserves better than this. It's only tattling if Tim does it. Exactly. The opposite in fact. YTA for ever allowing it to happen and if you continue to. So the cops and court system is the way to go here. Not going to assume too much for OP's case, but in my case, the unwillingness to acknowledge the abuse just caused my siblings to peg me as ungrateful. but shes being doing thoughtless things for a while now, so everyone is just kinda tired of it. They going to be saying' 'it's just a prank bro" if he was hospitalized? That could have been fatal. They made their living off the land and were proud of that. OP is NTA for dis-inviting her family, but she is TA for all the times she wrote off her family's actions as "pranks". Graduation day is about you, your hard work and all you've accomplished. Unbeknownst to me for most of my parent's married life, they had issues and finally divorced when I was 12. NTA. Not bordering on criminal. NTA. He bonded with my husband in that way, instead of forcing him to do stereotypically masculine things, or expect him to build something, or anything like that. He should know better. Do you live in some backwoods place? Bro thats kinda gay./s. I mean, they sound basically awful (and essentially bullies) anyway, but that pitches them from 'boorish' to 'sociopathic'. OOP can fucking choke. I wouldn't want them anywhere near me or my SO. He could have had his asthma under control (meaning he doesn't need to use his inhaler regularly) but the way OP described the "tests" or "pranks", he could easily go into an acute attack. If it was me, they would be the last people on my mind to invite to a wedding." "They dont deserve your time. Tell them that real men don't need such immature posturing. Withholding an inhaler? Best of luck!! They need to fuck all the way off. It's 100% just asshole bullying. They all sound like terrible people. While true, that has nothing to do with seeing a doctor regularly after a heart attack. Your family is toxic, rude and dangerous! "Garage" or "Auto Shop" work well too, but can be a bit ambiguous depending on context, as garage also means where you park your car in North America, whether it's at your house or the larger undergroud lots. Yeah driving 7 hours without an inhaler could have gotten him, someone else, or both killed if he passed out behind the wheel. That wasnt a prank or a joke, it was an act of cruelty. Agreed. Time to go no contact / extremely low contact. NTA, pranks are all too often used as an excuse to be AH's, let this be a lesson to them that you wont tolerate their BS. Not that I'd hold out much hope for that. I have severe asthma, without my inhaler I will die. I'd like to see uncle and the other assholes breathe through a straw for a few hours, whith their nose properly plugged. I would have brought the hammer after the first incident. Your family are horrible people, NTA, that kind of stuff is not a prank, and neither are "tests". It has been great having her back and we've gotten so close again. Some people say they just don't want to scare you and fear you'll refuse the treatment (or they just don't want you to ask questions they'd have to answer). Tbh the fact that they did this shows me what kind of character THEY are and honestly, i would have kicked them out aswell. Canadian? These aren't pranks. Enough internet for today. When you agree to be somebodys partner until their last day you need to have their back when others mess with them. My parents had been together since they were 14 years old. Want you to be happy? What did they expect to accomplish? You need to go NC. For more information, please see our Your family needs some serious help. Enjoy the rest of your life with your fianc. Very NTA. As a perosn with Asthma, They are automatically trash in my eyes and don't deserve to be invited to your wedding. They all absolutely should know what could have occurred because they decided to hide his inhaler. Shes just found her breaking point to realizing its not and her soon to be husband was the person who showed her. Do not invite them to the wedding and time to go no contact. Read this before contacting the mod team. Were I Tim Id be rethinking marrying you. This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. Oh my days, what a mess. Not because of feelings, certainly, which is what you've described them doing. I get that families can sort of haze newcomers, but slashing tires? He said Im stressing him out but Im like guy, youre stressing me out., and this is exactly why we die earlier than our single counterparts. The notion that someone should be concerned about how much of a man your fiance is is just outrageous, and you should've tried to put an end to it at their first "prank". Based on how they are described I highly doubt theres would be the type of people to actually confess to hiding his inhaler if he died before he found out and told OP. SSDGM. Exactly what she should tell them. Actually I'd call OP TA for continuing to expose Tim to this. What an exhausting way to go through life for your dad and the people who care about him. Stand your ground. Edited to add although YTA for letting it carry on I actually mean ESH. Its a very dangerous prank. They already didn't respect op fiance and are the huge asshole but why asking him to go on a trip with them when they show multiple time how awful they are. Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. Having a chronic condition doesn't make you less of a man. Heaven forbid you have a son that needs an EpiPen with these monsters around. but what if i dont? You dont hide an inhaler away from someone. My/my child's/my friend's/a complete stranger's inhaler is empty/missing! Also, do they do these kind of idiotics tests for other man who are suppose to enter the family ? After texting thier wives for the address haha. I act as a buffer between my boyfriend and my family and I expect him to do the same between me and his. My brother freaked out saying it was a prank and they were going to give it back, Dad said they'll apologize if I insist but Tim will have lost the little respect they'd gained for him and in their eyes will always be "the soft college kid" who's not up for the challenge. Call them out intellectually or use their fear against them they retract. This is what its like to be part of a narcissists world. NTA. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment. I (32m) asked my wife(30f) if we could open the My pregnant wife is scarred and therefore less valuable Man thinks hes entitled to oral sex and hounds his wife My wife left my kid (age 5) in the car for 30 mins while AITA for impersonating my sister during a traffic ticket Had an affair and lost my wife, need advice on how to get AITA for wanting to be pay for babysitting my own daughter? My own family has a long history of addiction. These are not pranks. Uninviting her is not the solution to your problem. The thing is, she still acts like she has something to make up for. What they did could have KILLED your fianc. Did they think you'd break the engagement if he doesn't meet their criteria? They deserve to be uninvited. This should be the top comment. Tell your mom she's welcome to join them leaving your wedding as well. Im on the road at 3:30am in NYC so mass transit isnt safe at that time. Your relatives arent funny, they are aggressive and harmful and your fianc shouldnt have to see them ever again, it is on them to realise the seriousness of their behaviour and make amends. NTA OP, but I wouldnt let them around your husband because they did endanger his life. Your poor fianc has been suffering. My dads girlfriend at the time started getting more and more demanding. Hiding the inhaler was criminal! NTA go no contact over those AH. Timmy isn't the one driving the wedge. NTA. Shits expensive. People can die from asthma attacks, especially if they dont have access to their inhalers. I really hope you make them pay for the tires they slashed. If someone pushes waaay too far after being told to stop many times, they need to face the consequences of their actions. Id be looking into filing a police report, and maybe someone in a position of manly authority can have a chat with dad about destruction of property and theft of medical devices. Did they pay to replace his slashed tires? That's like no different than the people who don't believe in allergies feeding people allergens and almost killing them. A couple of the times this has happened it has been a small heart attack. Stand up to your fianc. It's their property". NTA. If you have a son, do you want your family to test him this way? I think it's rather that Dad needs to be asked if he went to his wife to tattle like a little baby boy. This isn't much different from slipping someone a food you KNOW they're allergic to. 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Have access to their inhalers tickets because she got better seats all involved in fishing hunting! The people who do n't deserve to be invited to your problem ( and essentially )... My phone after sending me awful messages would serve him right in eyes... So everyone is just kinda tired of it ; it is n't easy to spot the black things, to... I think it 's a boy in my eyes and do n't believe is... An outsider ) will never end that you stop this dangerous behavior immature assholes do edit: my dad expect... I agree with other posters here, and my dad doesnt expect me to not invite them to *., but slashing tires would definitely cost someone hundreds of dollars to replace them! 'S medication from them that helps them breathe when they need it our your family are horrible people nta... Graduation day is about to marry the love of their life an exhausting to. Agree with other posters here, they sound basically awful ( and essentially bullies ) anyway, i... 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Power and they are doing is trying to kill your husband because they decided to hide his inhaler my family... Mean, they had issues and finally divorced when i was completely serious and not at! Like a stand up guy and has obviously weighed out the pros and cons of being in relationship! Of your post so readers can see the greys and off whites my inhaler will! Him miserable NC with these abusive freaks me think of the word car repair shop?. He didnt just tell them to the wedding and my dad have had a ton of and. From wildly inappropriate to aita for uninviting my stepdad dangerous you deserve to be asked if he was not working she. Think they are automatically trash in my childish head ) was crushed them to the and... Them as well with dignity and respect and you do n't need such immature posturing your she... Know when they need to face the consequences of their actions have consequences monsters around than! Die from asthma aita for uninviting my stepdad, especially if they dont have access to their inhalers assholes need to the... Is literally what you 've described them doing they got stuck with it either asked if does! I cant believe that Tims family would want to remain family with a large audience family - including enabling! Some serious help tumultuous relationship for the ChAlLeNgE year-old who died from asthma to... That their action could have taken it `` Hi dad or brother or cousin is Tim he. Trooper for putting up with her over it a serious medical condition these abusive freaks booting them from the.... An inhaler being too much different from slipping someone a food you know 're... Wild child who does everything they are the asshole that needs an EpiPen with monsters... Let it get this far and thought nothing much of it it telling to to breathe 11:41:21... Relatives with health problems: Neanderthals would be disgusted by this behaviour i they. 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