It was also HIS family for 13 years, and nothing has been said about him being in any way an unpleasant person. 100% it is not ok for you to be treated this poorly by your family. And that book and therapy have help me to release myself from my families manipulation and emotional neglect/abuse. But family relationships are hard to forge and take a lot of work. I feel for you. No one ever stood up for me. The almighty loves everyone regardless and unconditionally. Your ex did have relationships with your family. My Dad, Step Mother and their children were the same with my ex. She works hard at keeping a Hand Out. WOW, you are one angry person! Wheres the family loyalty?? He wanted out. My family has caused me the greatest hurt of my divorce. He NEVER did anything with me,. But in reality what can you do? When I separated from my husband I lost his family, who Id always adored and mine too. (we still do not talk unless arrangements about kids). The X physically, mentally and sexually abused me. I know what you mean I was married 27 yrs, we lost a son when he was 18 and 7 yrs later we were getting a divorce he told me I gave you so many years to straighten up and you didnt. My mom said because of how it would effect my brother. You are a strong women. Now, if your ex were abusive, if you had concerns that your children werent safe around him, or if he were a criminal that would be something else entirely. We were married only cause a piece of paper said we were. It is unhealthy for you to wish otherwise. It is simple. Its purposeful. My family done me the same way after we split up she place all the blame on me but they choose her word over mine it has been 13 Years and in the middle of the thirdteen years my mom past away from cancer so I had no one . Also how is your nephew supposed to understand this (if there a child) they might assume they did something wrong. Shame on him for thinking its okay to do what he is doing. The ex family have nothing to do with me. A mind set that once escaped it is best to stay away from! Soon after my little sister moved, my mom did too. Im a very unselfish person. I am totally going through the same thing and it is completely nuts! I would imagine this would be an uncomfortable situation? Most Helpful Opinions. I am sorry to say this, but I believe you should just deal with it. I live with hes mom and I dont know what to do, So the guy Ive been with weve been together on and off for about seven years and it didnt start so well I was separated from my husband and he was separated from his wife and well we moved a little bit too quickly and things got complicated and we had a kid and I was still going through a divorce he was already divorced at that moment but the drugs got in the way and I couldnt do it anymore when I found out I was pregnant I love them I moved to a different state with my family he wanted me to come back and did I mention he tried to go back to his ex-wife who he was with for 26 years and she didnt want them she was moving to be with somebody else shes now married and weve tried to make it work but their relationship their friendship has always been in the way of us progressing for my insecurities and him going back-and-forth with her in the past so Ive lost a little bit of trust and Ive tried its hard for me to be a woman of understanding when he talks to her likeA friend and weve had is just so many problems that weve lost that because of all the trust issues and betrayal in the past and I for gave him but its just been really hard to forget and its really affected our family with my daughter and now he says he cant do it anymore and while we were hardly talk I dont know how to fix it and I dont know where to begin because weve been through this so many times I think its time to go our separate ways but I really want to try for my daughter and I just dont know how to let go Yes I forgot to mention that they have kids together no younger than 13 and 24 and our daughter is 3. She sits with them for family events (graduations, etc), and doesnt speak to me. This is my testimony about the marvelous work priest manuka did for me. These are six ways to stay in touch with your ex's family, respectfully: Talk To Your Ex First If your desire to stay close with your ex's family is strong enough to fight for, be an adult. Agreed. He invites them over for barbecues. My family has fed him. To me its just plain unnatural and although it hurts you are well rid of people who think its ok to treat you like that xx. Parity! I encourage each of you to take some classes do the research its far healthier to respect your ex and their gf/bf/so than to sit and bitch about them. Were exhausted. I think you are confusing what the issue is. I understand your pain but you are a grown man and its not your exes fault you have no solid family of your own. I think my boyfriend still has feelings for his ex, Yeah, this certainlyhas something to do with it.. React Reply Most Helpful Opinions lumos Follow Master Age: 27 , mho 55% +1 y Sadly she will probably never be able to have insight into what shes doing wrong but i wanted to reassure you that how you feel is completely normal and although you are obviously distressed are handling it in a very mature manner. What a loser! you should not have divorced in the first place. Their actions are just too toxic and I dont want that in my life. Why would would you want to destroy longstanding friendships between your family and your ex simply because you dont like him? A bunch of strangers are going to tell you exactly what you want to hear because they hear only your side. Boundaries need to be set and respectedbottom line. I dont know how or feel the strength to be done with them. I know exactly how you feel. Or by navigating to the user icon in the top right. They actually spend more time with him than they do with me. The Thanksgiving before my divorce we were at my parents house. I dont even think he would have needed my support and my friends urged me to get a divorce and have a life, but I was in love and felt so bad for him. I just dont understand. If you want to get started learning the best of my advice, I recommend you download the 5 texting mistakes most women make. I tried very hard for us to go to marriage counseling which she absolutely refused. I AM SORRY USING THAT WORD BUT IT IS TRUE. Bottom line. I would feel betrayed if its family. If it hurts it isnt love. I can understand if he was just a ex, but you have children together. Of course.I would welcome them speaking to her. It is an eye revealer and you should thank God for exposing them. You cant fix anyone of them and you certainly cant make them selfless. However, now I find out that my mother is willing him her house. The family is 100% in the wrong. That really hurt. Its a sad affair when you watch grown adults let their egos and hurt feelings. If he was a decent guy he would back off because he knows its upsetting to me, but thats not going to happen either. By SuziePal Updated: July 30, 2021Categories: Children's and Parenting Issues after Divorce, Coping with Divorce, Inspirational Stories and Advice. However, if your husband's ex is more involved in his life than you think is healthy or reasonable, you shouldn't just let it go and seethe quietly. To the person who wrote her Mother helped pay his legal bills- that is beyond BETRAYAL. The best thing for your children is to see 2 loving parents despite circumstances. I have a bit of the opposite situation. I have had to cut my family off. I think your ex deliberately tried to phase you out and that sucks. It seems possessive, like shes making sure I know shes always going to be around? :/, Did you even read the column? Now his ex is pregnant and its looking like his sister is going to be godmother to the baby. Invitr them. I got the speech from my daughter about just forgive him Mom, hes sorry Mom, he has changed Mom. She stopped letting us see him about 2 years ago.. If youre able to be cordial generallyyou should be amenable to having him around for holidays, for the kids sake. Those kids are little people who have a right to choose for themselves. This bothers Jada. Agree to disagree with the family member, but causing conflict in the family over this issue, to me is immature especially with all the serious issues we are all faced with every day. Youre right to feel what youre feeling. I see their texts to each other and she really feels sorry for him. That should be the major factor in this situation. When we had to share a room as kids, we had physical fights almost every day. I did not have any children so at least that could not be used as an excuse for them but like you say if they have full access through yourself then why would they want to interact with him? If no help was given to your son or you when you had a stroke then why on earth should you shame yourself into feeling you need to take care of them? The moment the decided to get marry. If your partners ex is still in their life, author and relationship and etiquette expert April Masini, If your partner has regular dates with an ex, For instance, if your partner loves travel. However, even if you don't stay so close that you get invited to holiday events, you can still check in with your ex's siblings on their birthday or email their parents with life updates, as long as your ex is OK with it. Why? But at the same time, would you rather had your kids have a father who would do everything possible to make your lives miserable? At least my dad doesnt respond back to him and sets boundaries but my mom does not. While they were dating my boyfriend and his ex spent a lot of time with his parents. Im so sorry. What I wanted to do was scream at both of them to stop acting like children. Now my grief kids see the that side of the family but i am excluded, the kids also exclude me from any meetings with their cousins, my nieces and nephewswho had nothing to do with the divorce but i was close to. But.. My ex-wife divorced me with no reason after 29 years of marriage. His mother is a 40 year old unknown woman, and as of now theyre broken up). Many divorces occur, because someone was a terrible spouse. My ex was very controlling and mentally abusive and more personal reasons I dont care to share. You accept those invites because you want to go. Your divorced for a reason and the main reason is you no longer want him in your life. But the fact that your sister had already invited your ex for Thanksgiving sounds to me like shes got some issues with you and doesnt respect your feelings and I know that your ex has some issues. After a 5 year breach i was the one that reached out an olive branch to my Dad. Now he is all wealthy and still lives in his bubble. Is there more to the story that you dont know? If I were in your shoes I would feel unsupported and betrayed. Some if these families sound so toxic. Who wants to ride that emotional rollercoaster with people??? My kids are actively involved in sports year round and Ive always been nothing but cordial at sporting events with my ex because of my kids! Hed told him i wanted to look at the ducks on the stream!!! If hes making the effort to invite them. These kind of people know what to say but their actions are not inline with their words. If the custody of your children is reversed would you want him to treat you like shit and the family!! I not only lost her, but I loved her kids as if they were mine. They said they wanted to remain impartial (which was bad enough) but then they spent hours sympathising with him, spoon fed him information that caused him to behave more abusively to me/the other side of my family and basically said I was exaggerating etc and that it was all in my head. On some level, I get it. Its not like hes stepping any boundaries. While youre not exactly unreasonable to have feelings like this, it is unreasonable that because youve divorced someone that youre expecting your family to not communicate with them anymore. No one ever asked so I didnt volunteer complaining about how emotionally debilitating living with my husband was. Family or not- toxic is toxic! They just didnt get the emotional trauma I had gone through. \, Exactly..I wish my brother see this way and STOP hanging out with my ex . Most of my family respected my feelings, except for one cousin. Not a victim A SURVIVOR . But after being sexually inappropriate with one of our kids he ended up with unsupervised visits and joint custody. I, too, wish my in-law familys relationship with my husbands ex was less. Children suffer when parents do not make eventual peace. Thats such a mess up way of seeing life, not just you, but other in the comments, your family owns you loyalty, because blood? Now I think about how much Ill miss, because Im only 50. We are dealing with similar problem with my sister and my grown sons ex wife. You deserve to have your family and he needs to rely on his. Maybe you should as k yourself why you want to go. Because those men are much more dangerous. I dont see a way out, but I also feel so strongly that Im right. What he doesnt say and what his family refuses to recognize is how much she and we do for the kids. Your daughter is. Unbelievable. I totally feel your pain. You just started dating. It is very weird! He did take my kids when they were younger, but they find it so weird they have stopped indulging them and refuse to go. The problem is not her ex or her family. He promoted lies and created a division between my sisters and myself with the help of my younger sister. He never broke the law before, but he ended up in an altercation in which he hurt the other man so badly that the man died. My family supported my ex after the separation for a brief period and it was long enough for me to feel abandoned by them. If they should see him they should be kind but thats where it stops. He sends her a daily message (one type of contact) to ask how the children are doing (why). I typically dont share my personal life online, however I completely relate to your situation as im going through the same thing.I have been divorced for over nine years and in the last 10 months or so my mom and sister (and her family) have been secretly hanging out with my ex-husband and his girlfriend for get togethers, holidays, and special events. I dont know my niece. And we are just 10 min away from each other..My son use to see his litlle cousins my nieces every single day..Now they see each other when he s with my ex..Unbelivsble, They should..but obviosly they dont and they dont carethe same way my brother doesnt care how I feel when he hangs out with my ex Hi.. allow me to start my saying did I loathe stupid people. Its disrespectful and painfuland definitely wouldnt be tolerated if the shoe were on the other footbut any form of bringing it up is never taken seriously, Youre absolutly NOT unreasonable! He has his own family unit with the children and then he has his extended family (or not). He poisoned the well and the entire family will have nothing to do with me. Despite how much I loved them and how close I thought we were, ultimately they did not believe me, respect me or offer any support. I feel for you because it must be very hard to have children with an ex and family that can behave so monstererously. Not sure not hearing his side of this. I now want to love and be loved without interferences from my family and ex. Listen, when an ex has to bully your kids to hate you, and others to hate you under the guise of I was apart of your family, wont divorce you and hurt or maniplulates Everyone around even through your adult children, ITS SICK!! When he went on vacation to France, he referred to a woman named Peggy, he told me that he is no longer interested in our marriage. Get yourself a good man. Woman to woman, mother to mother this woman is already confused and betrayed by her own toxic family Please, think of someone other than yourself before you comment on a public post where another woman is being so vulnerable. My ex was in all family functions, where I will bump into him there, though we did not part amicably, I tried to be civil in his presence. If a guy does this to you, its not a good sign. Why else would she block her own efforts at finding a new man of her ownbecause really, what man do you know wants to date a woman who spends her free time hanging out with her ex's mom? Your family sounds healthy in that they did not pick up your offenses. Read the book adult children of emotionally immature parents this same thing is happening to me. My ex husband called my job to try to get me fired, put nails in my tires, dated a friend of mine, and did many other awful things which my family is well aware of yet my mother still has coffee in his house and communicates with him behind my back. You are choosing some pseudo, moralistic high ground rather than allowing your children to spend time with their family (INCLUDING THEIR DAD). In other words he was spreading lies about me to my family! So Im right there with the OP and all of you who have similar stories. Then you risk losing your daughter. We celebrate holidays at my ex bro-in-laws house, maintain the close relationship that we had nothing changed for us. Even if you spent time with their siblings frequently and considered them close. check out, "13 Ways You Know He's Loyal and Loving You" Whether they fed into it or not, it felt like a huge betrayal from both my ex & family. You also dont get to pick or chose what aspect of your life your exs will have, unless they where just a fling then that could easily be discarded. Her family should be emotionally supporting her, having parties and family events with her and her kids. I hope she gets help & realizes its not healthy what her family & ex are doing. You are absolutely not being unreasonable! Grow the hell up and act like an adult it isnt about you anymore its about your kids. He had his son with another woman that ended and soon after he began a relationship with his Ex. A joke. Like its sad enough for both of you to be alone if all family wanna see both of you guys let it be. "Or if you hold a business together or real estate together, or even pets together." They can still be pleasant to him but that is all. Your family is very wrong. In 2013, Ieft my relationship of eight years. This sounds like the ex has gone out of his way to include himself in the family. I am commenting based on your own words, not his/their side of story. It has nothing to do with how nice he is as a person. You cant expect them to throw away a good person. Those are good signs. Sorry I know it hurts but that will change one day too. Im so sorry youre feeling the way you are. If you make the friendship work, you have even more people to go bowling with! We must not enable manipulation. Friendships were created and I dont believe people are DISPOSABLE that is whats wrong with this world, cant be grown ups, have to revert to high school drama. 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Include himself in the top right this would be an uncomfortable situation let it be to longstanding... And that book and therapy have help me to my Dad doesnt respond back to him sets! Now i find out that my Mother is a 40 year old unknown woman, doesnt.
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